Couples Dating and Living Together…yay or nay?

Shacking up. The legendary term coined by black grandmothers describing unwed couples who lived together. This was something that was looked down on and at one point, never happened. But this day, more than half of couples live together before entertaining the thought of marriage. Why was this such a taboo thing to do back then and why has it become the norm now?

For me, I believe that most older people believed in the tradition and idea of marriage. They believed in a woman being very docile and the man being very dominant, but respectful. They believed in the man and woman not kissing or having sexual interaction while dating. So if that is the case, living together is a definite no while dating. Flip it to today and it is the complete opposite. People are a lot freer with themselves and traditions have gone out the window. Most people when asked have at one point lived or had their significant other living with them.

I have dabbled with shacking with two of my boyfriends and honestly, it is something I would encourage any couple to do. But only when they have hit that serious stage. Living with your mate has a lot of benefits, such as double income, always having someone around when you need them, and getting to know that person’s quirks and learning how to adjust. A lot of problems that happen in marriage could be prevented if the couple just lived together and had the opportunity to learn how to work through it. Or leave if it’s something they can’t handle. Being married makes it a little harder to just leave, so many people stay unhappy for years.

Lately, my boyfriend and I have not been living together. It’s not by choice, but it’s been that way for about 6 months, off and on. When we first started dating, we always were in the same place, but now that I have had this break from living with him, it feels a little different. Dare I say…nice. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my man to death, but I understand why some people would prefer it. You have your own space when needed and you get the chance to miss your partner. That’s the best part. The excitement of finally being able to plan something and spend time with him. Every time, I am like a giddy teenager and it builds our bond. It brings the thrill of dating back and that is something that I am really starting to enjoy.

Now, even though I enjoy this new thrill…I still can’t wait until we are under the same roof. There are kids involved and things would just be a lot smoother. Each relationship is different, so naturally, do what works for yours. I would encourage anyone to at least try it both ways. Even if it is not a full move in…try two weeks out of the month, for a few months. See how you interact when you are in each other’s space for 24/7. You may find things that you cannot deal with or even things that you learn about yourself. Being in a relationship is all about growing and learning. Do what you have to do to get to the full potential. I mean, if you can’t stand to live with each other, how are you going to get married? Think of how relieved you would be if you lived with your boyfriend and discovered he was a neat freak or that your girlfriend was a hoarder. Wouldn’t you want the opportunity to know this and adjust before the final marriage stamp? To me, living together is like the final test before the huge final exam. If you can past that, you can get through anything. Oh…and if you’re abstaining from sex, living together can still take place. Godspeed to you though :).

 

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!! What are your thoughts? Are you against shacking up? Have you ever lived with your partner? What was your experience? Would you do it again or would you wait with your next relationship?

 

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Empire…Using it’s Platform or Making a Mockery of the Movement?

So we all know, or should know, by now that Empire is our own little Black telenovela that comes on every Wednesday night. Because of this, we let the overly dramatic and loosely written scenes go over our heads and still become enthralled in the music and storyline of the show. For me, I see it as a form of self care. Something to watch that takes me away from the everyday headache of society. Everyone needs that mental release from the world and this is my little guilty pleasure. With that being said, Empire has a looooooooooottttttt of explaining to do with the recent “support” or acknowledgment of the “Black Lives Matter” movement.

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With the season opener, there is a huge concert with the hashtag #FreeLucious. This was strike one for me. Unless you have been under a rock, or stuck in some type of privilege and refuse to acknowledge the real issues of society, Black Lives Matter has been a movement that has been going on for some time now. It began over the countless killings of young black men at the hands of white cops. What started as hashtags turned into protests and rallys for these innocent bodies. Let me say that again, INNOCENT BODIES!! Empire…what? How are you going to have a protest reminiscent of the movement, but it is for a man who was clearly guilty??? This already shows the mockery because now it makes it seem like the work that people are doing to fight against innocent people being killed at random is a joke and they are really protesting against nothing. Oh wait…and let’s not forget Cookie coming out in a gorilla suit. (I don’t think there is an explanation needed for why that was wrong in so many ways. But hey, Fox is gonna Fox, right?)

Now, when I finished watching that episode I will say that I had to shake it off. They obviously were trying just a little hard and they did use their platform to bring some type of awareness. Also Jussie Smollett,(Jamal Lyon), is very active in the “Black Lives Matter” movement so they got a little bit of a pass. I needed this show to not turn into THAT show. I wanted to support my Black actors and actresses, but I needed them to stay aware of what they were putting out there. So, I’m watching last night and everything is going smooth. It’s the normal, all over the place, Lusious hates Andre because of his mental issues and the mental issues his mother has, Jamal just wants someone to love him so he can write his music, Cookie is being loud and crazy, we are great! Credits roll and I am able to keep Empire on my watchlist. And then it happens. They show scenes from the next episode and Cookie is put in the backseat of a car. “If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide.”  giphy-facebook_s

“Nah…that didn’t just happen did it?” I asked invisible bae, who was just as dumbfounded as I was. Did they really just use a Sandra Bland reference…on this show…as a means to be funny? Now, once again for those privileged rock dwellers, Sandra Bland was a Black young lady who was wrongfully taken into police custody and found dead in her cell a few days later. Many people protested this event because they did not believe that it was a suicide and suspected foul play. From the dash cam of the police car, Bland was very adamant about fighting her case in court and did not seem at all like she was ready to go down without a fight. The phrase, “If I die in police custody, I did not commit suicide,” was something that was started after the death of Sandra Bland and a way to show a united stance with her and her family. This is something that has me very conflicted. There are several people who have been fighting hard…HARD…for our rights and for the world to see what is really happening when it come to police brutality against people of color. To throw it randomly in a scene with no real care, is just foolish. This is where I begin to lean more towards the mockery aspect with Empire. This is not like the time when Shonda did her “Mike Brown-esque” episode on Scandal. Shonda did an entire episode on the matter and in no way made fun of the movement. Scandal is not a comedic show and hence the appropriate platform for it. Empire is doing this all wrong. Everything that comes out of Cookie’s mouth is pretty much a joke, we love her for it, but still.

If you want to bring awareness, there are ways to do so without throwing jabs and random twitter sayings and hashtags around in every scene. Wear a “Black Lives Matter” shirt or throw a benefit concert for families affected by the police brutality, but don’t just give references out of the blue and say you are “bringing awareness.” No…you’re not. You are doing the complete opposite. You are turning this into a minstrel show and discrediting those who are out there every day fighting. Those who have actually been arrested for simply protesting, those who have been shot with rubber bullets, those who have been attacked with tear gas. You are dehumanizing people involved in the movement and making it look like they are all just foolish characters, fighting for something that isn’t a real cause. Fox…I mean I guess we should have expected this, but at what moment do we start holding our celebs accountable? You can’t tell me they read that and didn’t feel a certain way. And, honestly, if they did read it and thought it was okay…that’s a problem in itself. The same problem that we always have when it comes to our people on TV. I don’t want to see a shuck and jive show with pointless references. I want to see real acting. The show doesn’t have to say a thing about the movement at all if it cannot do it properly. Don’t think that just because you have a show full of Black people, you have to throw it in somehow, because you are doing more damage then you realize. All in all, Empire needs to get it together…QUICK…before next Wednesday it’s going to be a collective, “same phone…who dis?” from their biggest audience.

Photo credits: kontrolmag.com, sheknows.com, giphy.com

Why “Black Girls Rock” Is Still Needed

IMG_5576Cosmopolitan magazine recently published an article with these four makeup trends. The pictures are showing women of color doing the trend wrong whereas the women of non color have hit the nail on the head. -_- This is the exact reason why shows like “Black Girls Rock” is still needed in today’s society. Some would argue that the recent events like The First Family being Black or number 1 television shows featuring exclusively Black actors are starting to appear, would show that racism is going away. But we all know that is a lie. Even if you take out the constant police brutality against black men, the constant dehumanization of people of color when it comes to the media is abundant and thrives. These pictures not only signify that Black women are getting it wrong, they should die in the process. This is something that should have never been thought about nor gotten to the publishing stage. But it is ideas like these, little slight nuisances that continue to shove the story of Black women not being good enough.

Watching “Black Girls Rock” last night was a powerful moment. I watch it every year and am always inspired and motivated by the beautiful women of color, young and old, that continue to make waves in society. This year, I decided to watch it with my oldest son. He asked me why were only Black girls on the show and I hesitated. He’s only 8 and I wasn’t sure how to answer his question in a way that he would understand. I then replied, “How many Black girls do you see on the shows that you watch?” He immediately got it. He expressed that he doesn’t see any Black girls on the shows he watches and if he does it’s only one or two but they aren’t always on there. This misrepresentation is the reason for this show. This is the reason why “White Girls Rock” is not a thing. “White Girls Rock” is an obvious statement everywhere you look! Every media ad you see is a woman of non color claiming to be beautiful or powerful. If you see a Black woman, she is always on the side. Never in the forefront. We have to continue to push shows and agendas like these for our community. These positive images are what our youth need to see. It is what we all need to see. That no matter what, we are not what they paint us to be. Black women are the most powerful women in this world once we tap into our brilliance. We create the trends, we motivate the masses, we have the ability to do anything with nothing. We are the original creators. So, I implore everyone to tell a Black girl or Black woman that she rocks each and every day because just turning on the TV or flipping a page in a magazine states otherwise.