To My Future Husband

To My Future Husband

I often wonder what you are up to.
If you are chillin, sitting back watching the latest game.
Are you laid out with some chick riding you, screaming your name?
Did you finally get that place you keep going to see?
Or are you tired of waiting on little ole me?
Waiting on me…our paths to align.
Waiting quietly for pain to heal in time.
Do you still believe in my existence or are you feeling like you missed it?
Missed out on your opportunity for true love.
Do you feel like you’ve missed out on what everyone else has?
Because your future wife is still here stuck in the past.
Stuck in turmoil, trying to erase old hurt.
Working to find again her happiness and her own self worth.
Because of this path that she of course must take.
Does it hinder your belief in having such a fate?
Do you believe she’s still out there?
Waiting for you?
Or do you keep fucking random women just because they’ll do?
Future husband, please don’t give up on me.
That beautiful future can be ours you see.
But for now, this path…right here is clear.
A path to find my own beauty and truth.
The path that is preparing me for you.
I apologize if I take a few wrong turns…
Leaving you in the dark to yearn.
Yearn for your beautiful black queen that God has promised you.
Yearn for those amazing children to pass your heritage to.
Yearn for the deepest connection you’ve ever felt.
Yearn for her soft kisses that instantly make you melt.
I know how hard this must be for you.
Trust me it’s not something I want to do.
But this path…this long, stressful, tedious, lonely path is my only way to you.
It’s the only way I can become the wife that God has ordained me to.
So my husband, please stay with me and stay strong.
I’ve just turned on this road and I pray it shall not be long.

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Let Me

I wrote this poem because I was tired of not being the shoulder that he would cry on. He was mines…so why couldn’t I be his?

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Let Me

Let me love you, let me in.
Let me show you the
Capacity of my heart.
Let me show you
Just why I am here.
Let me love you, let me in.
Let me endure your
Hurt, your pain.
Let me bandage your wounds.
Allow me to ease it away.
Don’t deny me and turn your back.
That dark room
That you are so accustomed to
No longer has space for you.
But, here, in my arms.
In my space…this is your home.
Just let me
Help you.
Let me carry your burdens,
Your sins.
Let me softly kiss those
Evil spirits away.
I’m equipped. I’m ready.
But you’re so scared and uneasy.
But sweetheart don’t you see?
I can be your Eve minus that
Fruit on the tree.
I can be your rib.
Your backbone.
Your everything.
I can be that drug that flows through your veins.
That drink before the last call.
I can be the ecstasy that has you trembling for more.
I can be your late night taxi driver
Who you confess your soul to.
I can be that pastor in church
Who dares not judge you.
I can be the butter in your grits
Or even salt and pepper, if that’s your shit.
Baby, I can be all these things and more.
This stumbling road you don’t have to travel alone.
Just let me….please.
Let me in, let me love you.

Jeanine Nicole

No Air

heartbreak

Have you ever had someone take your breath away?
I mean really, take it away.
Just a look and you’re breathless.
At, first you are able to handle it.
But the closer they come, the harder it is.
His lips on mines,
Air leaves me.
Lungs collapse under
The thought of this love.
This love that is lost.
Over his dishonesty.
Air slowly comes back.
But then
His nose nudging mines.
The air leaves again.
Thoughts of hurt tremble away as your hand runs over my thigh.
Tears begin to fall as your lips connect with mine.
I can no longer breathe.
His love is suffocating me.
The thought of us has me trapped.
So many emotions flow through me.
I’m unable to move even though I need to.
I can’t stay here, in this space.
I’m no longer yours.
I don’t belong here.
But even with the air gone
I feel so alive.
Light headed…unclear thinking. Adrenaline pumping.
I’m here.
No air.
But living…in the moment of you.

Photo credits: http://www.sassydspirits.com

Mary Jane

Mary Jane

There’s a girl you love more than me.

She elevates you, takes you higher.

She calms you, relaxes you.

She’s the one you run to instead of me.

In the beginning, it was okay.

Mary Jane and I were cool,

so you two being close was no issue.

But now, things have changed. You don’t look at me that way.

Three years and our love is not the same.

Is it her?

This sweet beauty that is always around.

This intoxicating goddess who never lets you down.

You go to her before you come to me.

You break her down before you break down to me.

Blow her mind while confusing mines.

Mary Jane, so sweet and innocent.

She’s the only girl you give your all to.

The only one you are not afraid to be with.

The only one you bring around your crew.

The only one you truly open up to.

This flavorful seductress.

The only girl you’d ever give head to.

Sweet Mary Jane knows your lips more than I do.

But why is this?

Is it because Mary Jane is so easy?

So willing to listen?

Mary Jane doesn’t argue about simple things.

She doesn’t nag you all day.

Mary Jane enjoys football and those Playstation games.

Is this why you choose her over me?

Green over red? No love allowed?

See, I am difficult and Mary Jane is easy.

I challenge you while she pacifies you.

I encourage you while she enables you.

Sweet Mary Jane.

He’s yours, for now.

But soon he will mature and realize

that you are not best.

He will understand that you are just a crutch.

But until then, Mary Jane, be good to my man.

And do not introduce him to that white girl in the stands.

Swollen Eyes and Empty Hearts

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This pic is truly a representation of how I feel after writing. It just takes all of the emotions out of me and leaves me happy but drained lol. Enjoy

Swollen Eyes and Empty Hearts

Here I am, again

Waking up to this familiar feeling.

This familiar face.

These swollen eyes and this empty heart.

You         Had          Me         Open.

So wide, for the very first time.

I felt like a stranger inside of my own head.

Allowing myself to be free and happy

but then it all just fell apart.

No alerts….no warnings.

But this is me so what else should there be

besides

these swollen eyes and this empty heart.

Years go by and you still have not called.

.

He waits around so patient, with so much hope.

Waits for you to cash in on the

million promises that you have made.

He stills holds on to those empty words

the ones that you left him here with.

“Son, I love you.” “Son, I’ll come for you.”

Bullshit that he is slowly beginning to uncover.

No longer will he be so naïve as he sees the days

turn into weeks.

The excuses begin to float from one ear and out the next.

His swollen eyes can easily be repaired,

but that empty heart, for you, will forever be there.

.

Trying to ignore the several times

that I’ve been here.

Trying to ignore the inevitability of me always

being here.

Trying to remember a time when I was

not here.

In this moment…

This fucked up moment.

Where swollen eyes and empty hearts

take precedent.

Where darkness is so mundane.

Where any shimmer of sunlight is hunted down

and destroyed immediately.

Where all hope for anything different

will disappear.

Where our want for anything different

will no longer matter.

Where swollen eyes begin to dry out.

Where this empty heart will just be a

concrete shell.

So loving, so beautiful, so soft

these will be adjectives of the past.

So dark, so unforgiving, such malice

these will be the descriptive words that

overtake these swollen eyes and this empty heart.

Still No

As I lay here

body aching, bruises becoming discolored, bones healing

I look up and ask, “Is it time yet?”

Of course I hear no real answer,

but the answer begins to show itself clearly.

Still no.

“But why not?” I ask defiantly.

I’ve been through hell and back on a daily basis.

And now this.

And the answer is still the same?

Why can’t I have it, that, not even Him?

You brought me back for this?

For you to still give me the same answer

that you gave me before that night?

Why not just let what was suppose to happen happen?

Why bring me back miraculously, unharmed and unscathed?

All for you to say,

still no.

I don’t even know why I am mad.

I should be bouncing around with joy.

You brought me back from death, but

I still can’t help to wonder why.

And more importantly, why still no?

But I am not worthy enough to ask such questions.

You have the puzzle already figured out.

No need for me to squeeze in extra pieces.

I will just go and be grateful that I am able

to still embark on this journey.

And patiently wait for you to say yes.