Broken Heart, Unstable Mind

1

They ask what’s wrong and I laugh it off.
Come up with lies about stress, work, kids.
But the truth is I only have two problems…a broken heart and an unstable mind.
This broken feeling comes and goes.
One minute I’m fine,
flirting with the beautiful man in line.
But then the next,
I’m in tears
Staring at the ceiling.
The empty dark space begins to fill my entirety.
I am paralyzed at the thought.
Another broken heart.
I’ve only had one other in all my life.
The recovery for that took years upon years.
Hence my sadness.
Hence my pain.
Knowing I have to undo feelings and moments.
Having to undo passionate memories.
Act as if you meant nothing…still mean nothing.
That’s where the instability kicks in.
I hate you.
I love you.
I miss you.
Fuck you.
I need you.
I want to kill you.
And let me be quite clear, killing seems so bliss.
The thought of jamming a knife straight through your back…
Karma engulfing me as her bitch.
Seeing the blood ooze out, like these tears I cry.
Hearing you writhe in pain as I do some nights.
Seeing you take your last breath,
leaving you breathless as you used to leave me.
Standing over you, overpowering you,
controlling you for once in my life.
But then I take a moment.
Realizing it is not worth my time.
I become angry with myself for allowing you to constantly consume my mind.
Shit,
I’m pissed right now for allowing my pen to give you life.
They say if you are loved by a writer,
you live forever.
Your legacy being inked through my trails of therapy.
It’s like you still have the control.
I can’t heal if I don’t write.
I can’t write if I am healed.
So once again you still give me life.
You still give me moments.
You still give me peace
and joy
and laughter.
Still this lifetime of a broken heart and an unstable mind.

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