“Our Deepest Fear” Complex

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So, I recently just got this tattoo of the “Our Deepest Fear” poem by Marianne Williamson and it is pretty much my life motto. As you know I have been writing since I was five and have wanted to do nothing but that since. So why am I 27 with two published books just sitting in the wings like nothing? Because of this exact poem. My deepest fear is not failing but actually succeeding. What? How can that be? What sense does that make? Let me break it down. I have been on my own since I was 19 and I became pregnant. Yes, I had the help of my mother but I was pretty much on my own doing my own thing. I was used to the hustle that life as a single mother brought. Selling food stamps and WIC just to pay the light bill was normal to me. Getting paid and having nothing but ten dollars left over to buy a little to drink was nothing new. I knew I was destined for more, but that terrified me. I used to always say, “Who am I to be out there on the red carpet rubbing elbows with celebrities?” “Who am I to have my own company and actually produce my own work?” Who am I to do these things? I’m no one. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to accomplish those things so why would I even try? Why would I want to be in the limelight and be in a new environment? I wasn’t used to success so I shrunk myself to fit in with the crowd.

So many people do this today and it really saddens me. I see that settling is the normal thing to do now and I always ask myself why? Why do people settle for bullshit when they know they deserve more? Is it the fear of being more? Is it because we don’t know to handle being better and being in a different place in life? Do we not have the right models around us to encourage us to reach our full potential? We have to change this way of thinking. This complex does nothing but hinder our growth and create a vicious cycle that effects our children. We don’t want our children looking at success fearfully. They should look at it with open arms. They should want to be successful. They should fear the opposite. I feel that many of our people teach our children to just get by. Get a good job and education and that’s it. But what about living your dreams? What about doing more than just the norm? We always shy away from those topics because they aren’t a guarantee. You can’t pay bills with a dream. But, my God, you can. If you really work toward that dream you can do so much with it. My hope is that we change this complex and change the mind of our children and have it where dreams rule the world. There is nothing like the fruition of a dream coming true. We have to get out of this mindset of shrinking ourselves because what we want is not what everyone else believes in. I had an ex tell me that I was stupid for dreaming the way that I did. I needed to get with the program and find a regular job and stop dreaming of writing and Hollywood. It wasn’t going to happen, is what he said. But, look at me now. Yes, I still have this complex, but my belief and curiosity keeps me going. Yes, I am fearful of being great because it brings a lot of unknown. But I’d rather get there and face those unknowns then. Being great and different is not a curse. It’s not you thinking you are better than everyone else. “Who does she think she is?” No! It is a blessing. Start treating it that way.

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