Okay, so ladies football season is finally here and for most of you, you could care less. All you know is this is the time of year where men expect you to sit down, shut up, and pass them a beer or two while the game is on. For fans like myself, I can definitely understand. No one wants to hear a million questions while their quarterback is being sacked because of their weak ass front line and their sudden amnesia of how to actually hold a linebacker(hope that didn’t go over some of y’all’s head). But for those women who understand the rules, you might actually have a chance to be chose. What is being chose? Well, duh, getting a man for the upcoming cold winter. We all know that it is close to that time. Bikini’s and booty shorts are being put up and that infamous cuddle weather is approaching. But ladies, you have to pass the ultimate test which is football season in order to be chose. Look, I don’t make the rules, I just know them. So, how to get chose? Let’s go.
1. Pick a team. This is very important because it shows that you at least have a slight knowledge of the sport. You don’t have to know who every tight end is or how many completed passes they have caught since they’ve been in the league, but you should at least have a team and know at least a few things about them. And not just their team colors, okay? Read up on their quarterback and at least two popular players on the team. Then begin to do nothing but represent them. This shows that you have some kind of loyalty and it can actually be fun when your team and your s/o’s team is playing against each other. Fake arguing is the best. But proceed with caution. No serious debates because remember all your facts are pretty much from Wikipedia.
2. Provide snacks. This is also very important. If your “soon to be boo” is coming over to watch the game, snacks are a must. And, no, not that healthy stuff. This is a man and this is football. He wants to fill his gut with everything greasy and drink his sorrows away with all types of beer. Can you imagine how crazy he will look at you if you brought him a cheese plate with carrots and grapes and a glass of wine? No, not that type of party ladies. What I normally would do is go with the essentials: wings, chips and dip, and beer. It’s that simple. Now, I know how much you wanna show off those culinary skills, but it is not the time once again ladies. Keep it simple.
3. Halftime Show. Now, this is something I learned via Twitter. When it is halftime, ladies it is your time. This is when you can actually grab his attention for about 15-20 minutes, depending on what is actually going on during halftime. If they are doing an exclusive interview, then nope you are out of luck. But if they are showing how all the players work in the community to plant flowers…this is it. During the half time, depending on the score you have one or two options. If his team is winning, he is on cloud 9. Put him higher by giving him a little action. Go as far as you are comfortable with. Trust he will be ready because his blood is pumping from his team winning. Now, if his team is losing, then you can do the same but play it up a little different. It is time to stroke his ego. Act like you are so sorry that his team is losing. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Y’all know how to do it. Once the second half is back on, he will be good and so will you.
4. Last, but definitely the most important. NO QUESTIONS!! Ladies, I understand that you want to make it seem like you are interested and want to know about every possession or play but during the game is not the right time to ask. Ask after the game is over or on a totally separate occasion. Do you know how psyched he would be if he was just over there(not watching the game) and you randomly asked him to explain the calls to you? He may actually change his FB status. But asking during the game, especially if it is a close or important game may get you cussed out. I have done it several times. Just sit back and make a mental note and act like you know what’s going on. If he gets upset, play it off. “Damn babe. That’s messed up.” If he knows you, he will know you have no idea why it’s messed up, but he will respect you for not asking a bunch of questions.
So ladies, that’s pretty much it. Just four little things that could possibly get you closer to a boo than you thought. Remember, football season is not a curse. It is actually something that you can use to your advantage. Be smart and get chose! Go Giants!!!!!! 🙂