I wrote this two years ago….funny how it is still relevant today.
This is dedicated to every “almost” I’ve had in my life.
Almost happy, almost thin, almost successful, almost loved, almost rich, almost broke, almost every word know to man. I have experienced the “almost” version of everything. Some days I let it roll off my shoulders and chalk it up to good writing material, but lately it’s starting to get to me. Almost is truly not good enough anymore. But for me, it seems like almost is always my end result. No matter how hard I try and how close I get, it always ends up being almost. Even down to the simplest thing. I almost was able to order some hair online, but couldn’t. I almost made a sell of 40 books in one day, but I didn’t. I almost got lucky with my fantasy co-worker but I didn’t. But one thing I try to remind myself of is that it will happen. Even if it’s not that moment, it will eventually happen. I just hate that I always have to go through these “almost” moments for it to finally happen. Why can’t it just happen? Why do I have to agonize and suffer? Yes, I know I am putting myself through the pain but I have to admit it angers me that I can’t do the simplest things. It always has to be an “almost” before it can just happen. Why can’t I just say I want this to happen and it does? As I sit here writing this, I try to search for something to help me perk up and move on but it gets harder and harder with each almost. Especially as they seem to become more and more frequent. The only thing I can do is breathe and hope that tomorrow doesn’t bring anymore “almost”s. I’d rather have nothing happen than almost something. I don’t know how to make this feeling go away. Normally writing brings me a sense of reality and calmness, but it’s not working this time. Wow, another almost. I almost felt better while writing but now I don’t. That is actually funny. Well, I’m not going to mope around about what almost could’ve happened. There’s a reason for everything and this is the only thing I can tell myself that’s reassuring. *sighs*